Victim No Longer

To whom it may concern...

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.

I talked about it with my Mom last year. I mentioned that it happened at age 7, and my weight issues began at age 8. All these years she had attributed my weight gain to the trauma of breaking my arm at Cub Scout camp. How funny.

Would you talk with someone about such a thing?

A book has helped me realize the way that my life has been impacted. It describes so many of my struggles around self-image, relating to others, coping mechanisms ... I really didn't think the experience had impacted me so much until I realized that so many of my hardest struggles are common to victims of sexual abuse, and explained why. The book is called Victims No More by Mike Lew. Click here to read.

One step in my healing is to break the cycle of secrecy. Talking about it may also help others who have been affected. Please be sensitive ... not something to bring up at a party.

John

New Day is Here!!!

In March, shortly after my trip to Houston, I stumbled on a pack of peanut M&Ms. They called to me from the vending machine. I had been good for months, all through the holidays, and reached an awesome low weight of 199 lbs for the third time.

In that moment ... I chose the M&Ms. From there I was caught in an avalanche of negative emotions and binged my way through it. A few days later I weighed in at Weight Watchers having gained 25 lbs. The binging continued and today I'm up nearly 50 lbs total to 248 lbs.

Finally, I have a new weapon! He's my new personal trainer, and he is awesome! We're working on a set of abs for me to match his (shown above).

After nearly 4 years, I'm no longer following the Weight Watchers diet plan. I have a new, much tougher regimen ... T (trainer) is gonna make sure I suffer.

Watch out!!! :)

Let's get Utahrded! It's fun!!!

I took a whole week's vacay to see my favorite Utah peeps!!! So much fun!

Marie spoiled me with a BOMB Mexi Feast. Never savored a true carne asada til Marie fed it to me off her tasting fork. Divine!!!

We invited some friends to share the bounty!!!

And others came uninvited. Stripey planted himself in Marie's hair.

My Bigler cousins put together an awesome meal. It had been years since I'd seen any of them. We had a lot of fun together.



Hiked to Stewart Falls with Brian. After we had some awesome Thai. Any friend of Thai food is a friend of mine!

The Candland cousins were even spicier than the Biglers when discussing politics. Again, good peeps good food good times! I had only ever met Phoebe before, the rest were new ... I like them.

Major highlight: I spent 3 days at the Family History Library with my new genealogist friend Bradley. I totally recommend hiring him if you want to hire help with British ancestors ... He found so much information for me, and he's so smart. Within minutes I felt like he knew everyone's name and where to go for data. http://www.pricegen.com/bradleymarchant.html

My favorite Auntie (sorry other Aunties, lol, but she made me say that!) Auntie Doris and I hung out at the library too! She's there serving a full-time mission. :)

Can't wait to go back! Major fun.

Birthday 2009

For my birthday I wanted nothing more than to have a few friends over for dinner and eat a meal of exotic strange foods and not worry about how many points or calories I was eating, etc. The theme was third world: nothing fancy allowed. We sat in a circle on cushions and ate Ethiopian stew, curry, pupusas, arroz con gandules, etc. So much fun! After I made everyone snuggle for a cute photo. You'll see in the first one where I stepped on Jon. Sorry kid!!! He was a good sport.

Tiffany ROX!!!

So proud of my Tiffers. She ROCKED us at the historic Whisky a Go Go Saturday night. She was the first to wish me a happy birthday after the clock struck 12 midnight. Teen dream fulfilled ... again. :)

Hollywood Party

Nothing like the feeling of walking in to an exclusive party in the Hollywood Hills. The valet is parking your car ... you walk up a crystal staircase along the side of a glass house. To your right: Beverly Hills and Hollywood layed out in shimmering evening glory. To your left: a houseful of beautiful people turn to see who is arriving.

And you sneeze. And your hands and your face are sticky. And there is no way to play it off. You duck and wipe. And then you shake hands with everyone in the room.

Thus began my first exclusive glamorous Hollywood party. I was invited at the last minute by someone who helped put it together. It was a launch party for a new PR firm called "Seriously PR." Also, VH1 was there filming all the happenings for the pilot episode of a new reality series about these twin girls who founded this PR firm. Inside glimpse of the life of two big-time Hollywood publicists.

It was really fun! I stood behind Tiffany as she arrived and performed (it was an 80s theme so of course who would make a better guest of honor). You may see me in the background if any of that footage makes it onto the show.

For the aspiring superstars these parties are all about mixing and getting "in" ... which made for lots of hugs and kisses from random strangers which was fun, don't get me wrong.

There I was feeling so uber cool apart from the mucus thing. And I get home and look in the mirror. And realize ... my fly was undone. Probably all night.

Oh well.

My Video

Finally got to see that video we filmed a year ago ... Check it out! Aren't I awesome?